Ugh. The last few weeks have been overwhelming in both great and bad ways.
My guy and I went to Saskatchewan to visit with his family for the first time and I was TERRIFIED. This caused a really bad night for me on the first night of our trip. Between being up all night on the bus, meeting tons of people who will eventually be my family, and having to balance between making a great impression and trying not to overdo it, I was stressed to the max.
Because I'm newly diagnosed, and don't know yet what my limits are, or are going to be in the future, it's still embarrassing for me that I need help with some very basic things. I found it embarrassing that after a full day I wasn't able to get up and get my own drink for dinner, and that I needed my guy's help to get up and go to the washroom, or get dressed, or do my hair...the list goes on.
Thankfully, his family was amazing. They didn't ever make me feel like I should be feeling embarrassed. They simply accepted that I would take care of myself when I could and that he would help me when I couldn't. It was an extremely welcoming environment to be in, and I'm sure is due to the fact that his mother has some auto-immune diseases of her own. They were curious about what having RA will mean for our life together, and how we plan to deal with it, how it's affecting our life now and also how they could help me be more comfortable over the weekend. It was such a welcoming and helpful atmosphere it was easy to have an amazing weekend with them.
I was having such an amazing weekend I forgot to worry about work.
My bosses are great. It's a family-owned company (not my family, but they treat me like family) and they've been really understanding about the fact that sometimes I simply can't get out of bed. Generally my gauge for going to work is whether or not I can shower and dress myself with minimal help. If I can't, then I call in. If I can, then I go to work and do what I can to be useful around the store.
With as great as my bosses are, I know it's not an ideal situation for them to have to wait and see if I can come in. It's unfair to them and to my co-workers, so we've been trying to come up with a plan that can satisfy everybody. We are trying to avoid the EI path because they just don't pay enough for me to live on. Since EI would pay 55% of my wage if I were to take a disability leave, we are trying to come up with a schedule in which I can work more than 25 hours a week, but not so many that I'm constantly exhausted or in too much pain. It's a nice compromise as soon as we can decide on shifts that will work into their schedule and also work with the hours of the day my body is more mobile.
Gah! Work stress, family stress! I should probably take on a project that means more stress, right?? Like trying to move into a more accessible place?? Seems easy, right?? Wrong!
I currently rent a one-bedroom basement suite. My guy currently has a roommate and rents a 4-bedroom townhouse, but spends 29/30 nights a month at my place. My landlady lives upstairs from me in the main floor of a two-bedroom bungalow. She is currently arranging to move out of town for a year with her job and wants to rent the main floor of the house out. Preferably to us. My guy and I want to move in together, my landlady wants to rent the main floor to us at a reasonable rate, living on the main floor would mean not having to climb stairs to get in and out of the house, my guy's roommate is equally eager to leave their current place and move in with her guy. All seems to be falling into place, right?
I wish.
My guy and his roommate are stuck in an ironclad lease. Their lease states that if they break it (they would be breaking it six months early) then they are responsible for buying out the remainder of the lease AND they would have to pay a fine. Ridiculous! I'm in complete disbelief that they even signed it in the first place. So now we're disappointed, his roommate is disappointed, my landlady is disappointed and everything sucks.
My landlady is so desperate to rent to us that she called this morning and said she had talked to a real estate lawyer friend of hers. They suggested that we find someone to take over the lease and approach the management company with that solution. Extra stress. Now we have to find someone to take over the lease of this townhouse, pack and clean the townhouse, pack and clean my apartment, move three people, and THEN find someone to rent the unit I'm currently in. STRESS!
Did I mention we need to complete this all in 5 weeks? Frack.
Stress is eating me alive right now. My joints are complaining all over. Stress always sits in my shoulders anyway, tension and tightness. Now I have the muscle tightness, added to the joint pain and stiffness. Awesome.
I'm just going to keep taking it a day at a time. That's all I can do. My guy is an amazing source of strength and support for me and that helps tremendously. I'd be lost without him to center me. One day at a time.
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